Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
