She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
