just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
