now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
