Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
