i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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