my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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