and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
