the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
