i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I need a beard to bite.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
