she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
