it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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