I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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