I think I died a long time ago.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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