Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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