The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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