He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
