I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
