My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Life is so much better after having sex.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
