one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
