eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
