with your own penis?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i've created a new STD.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He did a backflip because drugs
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