maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
