I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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