You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
