This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At least life still wants to fuck me.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
