My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
