Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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