Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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