i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
