This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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