Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
