upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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