onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
