drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
