When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize