clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
