I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
