who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
