apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
