im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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