I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
