... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
