we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
