so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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