I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
