He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
