I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
