Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
