if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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