$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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