Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
