This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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