I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
