these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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