apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
