Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
