You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
