I seem to have left my pride at pride
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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