So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
