Rock
Scissors
Fuck
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
