Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
