I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
