have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
