Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
