the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
