Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
