just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Randomize
