Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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