Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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