Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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